It has been a hot minute since I’ve been able to commit to creating content for my blog. I’ve been going through a process of accumulating knowledge within various genres that I believe my tribe will find useful. I am going to rebrand this blog for a couple of reasons. Priorities have changed as I’ve undergone a massive overhaul of my values in the last couple years.
Yes I am still passionate about urban homesteading, but I can admit that it isn’t always the most practical of endeavors in our modern paradigm. As I get older, time becomes a currency that I am not able to earn the way I can with money. I might be able to exchange my time for money but my standards for a quality of life have grown to value time more than money, so you can imagine the quandary I’m faced with in prioritizing what it important to me. Yes, the tagline of my blog has been “doing things the hard way in an era of convenience” I get how confusing that might be. Change is the only thing that doesn’t and my views on this topic have changed. It is not without having had to learn the hard lessons and to value the effort, intent, and work that goes into creating something sustainable.
The last couple years I’ve spent most of my energy healing parts of myself in varying stages of growth. It left little in the way of focusing on my homesteading goals and my property did what nature does best. It fell into a state of entropy. I am always an avid student of the lessons nature is ready and willing to teach me. In this case, it taught me that cultivation, care, proper planning and strategy are extremely important when you are thinking about creating something with any type of longevity. I will be honest, I screwed up.
I didn’t do things right. While I spent three years building the soil, I didn’t make it fully weed proof, I let my chickens free range and spread weed seeds propagating a veritable forest of weeds (edible nonetheless) where I had planned to grow food and basically let everything get out of control. My large sumac tree had massive branches that broke all over the place, including my chicken run and I basically have a huge mess to clean up now before I can expect to be productive in any way.
The problem is that I have no motivation to work in the garden anymore, because I am trying my best to just make it through each day to day and have finally slowed down in light of the chaotic distracted way I was living my life before. The work I put into my property, in learning, researching was time and energy I spent avoiding facing myself. I have been operating in a sort of frenzy for the last 15 years of my life, just moving, moving ahead and not looking in the mirror and slowing down to really get to know myself. I spent countless hours in toxic relationship, with destructive people trying to bring out the idealized versions of them that existed in my head instead of focusing on me. So when I encountered the dark night of the soul in December of 2014, it was a catalyst towards developing the self awareness required to take proper steps both towards healing and towards loving myself.
For the last couple years I’ve learned a great deal about trauma, codependency, and somatic awareness. While gardening still plays a large part in my life, it isn’t the be all end all for me anymore. I do care for myself and will continue to garden for the sake of building nutrient dense food to consume, but beyond that, it isn’t the biggest focus on my life anymore. I will periodically revisit this as I find it to be an enjoyable hobby and I’m happy to share what I know about it with others, but my passion now lies in sharing what I’ve learned about through my personal evolution.
Hope you will come back and visit when I’m ready to share.