This has been a strange and a hard year for me. Some of life’s most challenging moments are comprised of the following big events.
Grieving the death of a relationship (platonic or romantic), buying a house, moving, changing jobs, death, etc. I’ve experienced all of those in a years time with the exception of death. Throughout it all, I have still managed to plant an amazing garden, invite chickens into my lifestyle, move 2 roommates through my household, pay off a significant amount of my credit card debt, and am still going at it as we move into Autumn.
Sometimes, I don’t give myself enough credit. The slowing of the season and the changing of the time forces me to slow down and reevaluate where I have been and where I am heading.
My vision has always been big, and I am patiently waiting and working hard to attain it. But it leaves little in the way of maintaining a balance in my life between work and play and I’m afraid on some level it has taken its toll. I am realizing more and more that creating structure in much the same way nature finds a way to be fruitful in the face of disorder is part of what will allow me to find the freedom I am seeking.
At present I am listening to several audio books about time management and also evaluating the most effective ways to focus my energy. While the garden is supremely satisfying to me, it doesn’t translate monetarily aside from saving me money on food and feed for my chickens. But I’m realizing my vision has been rather narrow in thinking I would find freedom in self sufficiency.
The truth is that I can’t modify my home to be more energy efficient. It was built rather haphazardly in a time when no consideration was given to thermal mass and passive solar principles. It’s hard for me to believe that in 1924 when my home was built, they didn’t have the inclination to create a home that could best take advantage of it’s own natural surroundings, especially being so less far removed from the environment as we are with our technology and dependence on systems and grids. And then I am reminded by the cracker jack boxes that comprise the suburbs of Denver, that even today, we are lacking foresight still with all the resources and knowledge we have at our disposal.
My vision is such that it needs to be built up from a foundation of scratch. It is in the design that the work is made whole and seamless, just as it is with my garden plans, which over time is intended to increase in productivity with minimal input. I understand and see that while I am working towards my goals, I’m not necessarily getting closer to my vision.